an exercise in endurance and perseverance

not been feeling great the last couple days.

well, tonight, i went for a short walk to wal-madness, and while there i started feeling considerably worse.... and tho i'd been offered a ride home by a friend i ran into there, i must have missed her by a little bit. so i had to walk. feeling so woozy, the walk home was especially challenging.

it must have taken three times as long as it usually would.... each step was having to be very deliberate, one more step, one more step, one more step. i felt woozy, but i knew if i felt like i was going to pass out or something i could call someone on my cell, so i just kept going. i kept thinking, 'endurance! endurance! endurance!', lol....

one step, one step, one step. it was like i was slogging up a steep hill and was maxed out, but i was on level ground. i was, however, blessed with a fabulous view - to the southeast the sky was blue with 'simpsonesque' clouds, of the sort you see in the intro to the simpsons show. to the west was a sky full of dark mysterious clouds, a heavy grey mist low in the mountains, and great heaps of sooty puff balls in the sky.

and God's grace was with me. the first raindrop i felt was just as i was turning in to my driveway. when i got upstairs and next looked out the window, it was pouring rain. fabulous.

endurance

(click image to go to source page... i love this pic, and having no desire to infringe on
copyright in any way - but not being able to read the source page for terms - i here put
a completely inadequate thumbnail that fails to express the beauty of the pic, and
direct you thus to the original site to see the full glory of the original image! :) )

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..." ~Hebrews 12:1-2a, nkjv

i have been thinking about endurance lately, and just as i was typing out this verse i realized another reason to go slow but steady.... 'endurance' training, rather than 'intensity' training: He is the finisher of our faith. we rush so often for the finish line.... but He is the one who will finish it. He simply calls us to run... with endurance.... patiently.... continuously.... steadily.... looking unto Him.

i'm finding when i walk, it's best if i don't focus on where i have to go... how far, or how fast. i simply walk. i feel the ground under my feet, i feel the roll of my foot from heel to ball to toe and over again.... i feel the breeze in my face, listen to it whistle softly in my ears (or not so softly, if it's windy out!).... i feel the rain on my face, and the wetness leaking into my crocs and seeping between my toes.... the bird that flys by, and lands on a power line and a chorus of peeping from a nearby tree ensues.... i breathe deep the fresh air, and breathe shallowly the diesel fumes from the passing dump truck.... i feel the pull of the wind that follows the semis as they go by, and the shaking of the bridges as they cross.... i admire the wild flowers on the side of the road, and the tenacious dandylions peeking through pavement... i glorify God for His creation, His goodness, and i talk with Him.

if i think about where i'm going, how far or how fast, i get overwhelmed and don't want to do it. that's what i've always done when i've started exercising or getting healthy in the past. it's too much, too far, and i can't get myself to follow through.

this time seems to be different.... for one thing, i didn't start walking with fitness in mind... i found i enjoyed the simple process of walking, and found myself craving more. more quiet time, more peacefulness, more process, more time with God.... breathing, walking... living. ...yes, i can plan a walk out, even decide the mileage i'm going to do, but i know in my heart and in my head that it is - and it has to be - all about the walk.... not the destination. it's about the walking, not the getting there. it's about the process, not the end result. it's about this step.... and this one..... and this one...... not the whole trip.

when my muscles are burning from going up a hill, i breathe deep and feel the joy of God in the burning.... in the process of *continuing on*, of pacing myself, and taking one more step.

that is endurance. that is the race laid before us. that is life.

it's affecting every other area in my life, it seems, to some extent at least. doing chores is not about doing what needs to be done, it's about the process of puttering, creativity and nurture. wearing my c-pap mask and night is less of a chore and a burden, and more of an extreme adventure, like i'm experiencing life on some other plane from 'normal', and have an experience that i'm there for the purpose of experiencing.... (i've always been drawn to experiments such as living underground for six months with no clocks and no natural light or other indicator of the passing of time.... experiments in experience - experiments requiring endurance...)

it's shifting my perspective... once step at a time.

God shifted my understanding of the verse i typed out above, Hebrews 12:1. "...since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses...". once upon a time, when i saw that in my head it was of me running a race, and feeling very exposed. i mean, here were all the great people of faith, watching me, and i keep tripping and stumbling!!!! it made me not even want to run anymore! i just felt miserable!!!

then one day a couple/few years back, God showed me open fields, filled with the people who have gone before, who have run this same races, who knew exactly what i was going through, cheering me on. for me, and not against me. fields of them, fields very much like in the picture above. and i no longer felt exposed and discouraged, but encouraged to keep on keepin' on. they did it, and so could i. and they were cheering me along the whole time.

wow. if that is not a perspective shift, i don't know what is! it still boggles me.

enjoy the process. enjoy the burn. there is something of a treasure to be found here.... sandals in the dust, feet getting dirty from walking through life. keep on keepin' on.

slow and steady wins the race. endurance.

....yeah.

Pondering the Path

just a new blog to chronicle my walking and pondering....

"Let your eyes look straight ahead,
And your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Remove your foot from evil."
Proverbs 4:25-27, nkjv

"Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
'This is the way, walk in it,'
Whenever you turn to the right hand
Or whenever you turn to the left."
Isaiah 30:21, nkjv

"Enoch lived sixty-five years, and begot Methuselah. After he begot Methuselah, Enoch walked with God three hundred years, and had sons and daughters. So all the days of Enoch were three hundred and sixty-five years. And Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him."
Genesis 5:21-24, nkjv